King of California

Nines, The (2007) IMDB rating: 8.20 Plot: A troubled actor, a television show runner, and an acclaimed videogame designer find their lives intertwining in mysterious and unsettling ways.

Nines, The this is really cheap price for it

Actors: Reynolds Ryan,Denman David,Falcone Ben,Andrews Sean,Baine Greg,Garren Nicholas,Yu Martin,Drama,Horror,Mystery,Thriller,

Girlfriend Problems: She was Emotionally Abusive?
Hi Everyone,

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a year. I’ve been teaching in South Korea and my girlfriend is back in the US.

After being apart for nine months she came over her for a two month visit.

The problem was that she came over with some negative feelings that came from me needing to leave the country for work.

Some days she would be very short with me over little things. If we would go out and have some drinks she would sometimes make issues out of nothing. She exploded at me because she thought I was starring at a girl, which I wasn’t. She became very verbally abusive and packed a bag to leave and stay at a hotel. I was able to calm her down and we worked things out.

There were other cases where she took things the wrong way. Like, one day I was quiet, and she thought I was being distant and gave me the silent treatment. Another time she didn’t like a joke I made to her and said she would hit me if I said something like that again. I was in shock. But these were all because she had these negative feelings from when she got here and was letting them manifest over things that would normally not get her angry.

I would say that over a two month period these odd occurrences happened maybe six or seven times.

There were also great times when she let her guard down and we had a blast.

She went back home now and we have seven months until I finish here. When she got home she realized how her behavior was affecting me and apologized to me on the phone. She was very upset with herself (crying).

I forgave her but told her that even though her apology meant a lot to me that I was still al little hurt by her actions and had been keeping my guard up and holding back a bit with her. I do not like feeling like this and said I need some time to figure out if I will give her another chance or if I’m too guarded to be comfortable with her.

Am I overreacting? Should I give her a second chance because I love her?

Or should I take note from her actions and not put myself back in a position where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells?

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Six or seven times over a two month period, she behaved irrationally. This is a woman we’re talking about, right? I’d say you got off easy. Have you never had a girlfriend before? This is how they act – either deal with it, or stay single your whole life.

PS – What does this have to do with Marriage & Divorce?
Happy-2 | Nov 24, 2009

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You got a good look at the real her. You need to think long and hard about your relationship. If she’s like that when your apart you have to know that things will get worse when you’re together all the time. Walk away from this relationship or you will be one miserable person for the rest of your life.
Larry E | Nov 24, 2009

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She is holding in a lot of resentment and then throwing tantrums at you. She needs to learn to take ownership of how she feels and appropriately express those feelings. Does she feel like she can….probably not really…and that might not be your fault.

Lots of times women feel trapped between two worlds — wanting to seem like a good girl/happy, "ideal" /pleasing wife…so they surpress the feelings that aren’t associated with this ideal…and then there is how they really feel — which they are afraid will push someone away or result in them seeming "unsexy" or unlovable.

People — and in particular women, are not taught to "own" their feelings because an angry/pissed off girlfriend is not typically thought of as what we what to look like and be thought of….

the only way out is through, she needs to know that you support her TRUE feelings — no matter what they are…and she has to express them. ..BUT – not in a way that sh*ts all over you! Just because she FEELS angry doesn’t mean you should be exploded on….but also – everyone is human and does this occasionally. Relationships will never be totally drama free, honey.

Yes, you can tell her that her behavior sucks, but I am suspicious that it won’t do any good until she contronts why she has learned to behave that way….whether it is what I mentioned —that she is surpressing her anger so she doesn’t come off like a bitch and then she explodes (like a clogged hose) or perhaps she is just plain spoiled and wont’ take responsibility for that….I dunno.
almost T day | Nov 24, 2009

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You was not wrong you have to put your foot down the very first time things like this happens because if you don’t they will continue and I am sure that is not what you want. Now if you do give her another chance you and her need to sit down and let one another no what it is you are looking for within this relationship. And the kind of things that has happen in the pass can never happen again and let her no that your not there to hurt or harm her in anyway. That you are with her because you love and care for her deeply. Good Luck.
bigboodybenz2007 | Nov 24, 2009

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I would have a "heart to heart" sounds like she is insecure. She needs to have a "life" – for lack of a better word – outside of your relationship – as do you. However, my experience is if you do not trust each other – you have nothing. Has she been hurt in the past? Do you know that for a fact of speculating? Is she insecure in her identity? You need to explain – truthfully – how you feel and that her insecurity is unfounded and talk through it – if you want to continue the relationship. A long term relationship is hard enough but overseas is tougher. Do you think she feels you guys are growing apart – that she feels envious and left behind? Obviously you are not the same person you were before you left – there is no question about that – that is a fact after the experiences you have had the new culture – friendships etc you have experienced – there is no way you can dispute that. That may be her number one fear that you are growing apart.

FIRST and most important – you need to take a good hard look within yourself and decide what you want and if she is the one able to give that to you. Do you know what you want? You need to answer those questions for yourself first. Then have a heart to heart with her that her fears are unfounded and try to as hard as it is to include her in your experiences – letters, calls etc. But if you feel – and you will know it – that she is not what you want or can’t give you what you want – because it sounds like she has been hurt in the past – and that is a hard behavioral thought pattern and feeling to change – it will take hard work on both sides – are you ready and committed to that? If not – end it – it may hurt now – but if you fake it or not into it – it will cause much more harm – and bad karma to. Don’t play with people’s emotion’s or feelings – and I am not saying you are – but walking on "eggshells" is not a positive feeling in a relationship.

Do you have feelings/insecurities about what she is doing in US while u are overseas? Do you trust her implicitly? Perhaps that is what she is feeling that you are moving in a different direction and you will not find her interesting anymore that you have grown and experienced things that has built a barrier that can not be removed – what you have done is a life changing event for you – there is no question to that. Do you still feel the same? Can she give you what you are looking for? Do you know what you want? Be truthful with yourself and be truthful with her. Don’t lie to yourself or her it only causes guilt and hurt. Don’t play with peoples emotions – and I’m not saying you are. You need to decide if you are in or not – and that can be difficult because if you are – it is going to take hard work on both sides. Can you deal with her fears and continue to – as it does sound like she has been hurt in the past – but without trust there is nothing – and after putting everything into a relationship and being betrayed or trust broken its hard to change that behavior. If you truly feel she is the one are you willing to put the work required – both of you – to change that feeling/pattern – because it will take that -for a while.

Most importantly be honest – with yourself and with her. That is my take – but take it with a grain of salt – only you can decide. I am sure you will do the right thing. Congratulations on taking the risk of doing what you did – it is a life changing event for you – no question. Just try – to be honest – don’t betray yourself or her – it only compounds the issue. Good Luck! J
johnfromRI | Nov 24, 2009